Short and Sweet

Check out this story on child obesity, told as only a Brit could tell. My favorite part:

Mr Duncan said: “This is different to someone just being overweight. These are firm female breasts, something that any woman would be proud of."

We love a tale with booze, rodeo girls and shotguns. Who says stereotypes are outdated?

It might be uncouth to say, but Japan is officially fuckin' bonkers.

The crack staff at The Morning Times is at it again. Jenn Magnussen attempts to write the Worst. Sports. Story. Ever.

HMNIG Movie Review: Meatballs

The 1979 film Meatballs should be celebrated by everyone who thinks comedy is funny. Not necessarily because the film is just that good (it's just ok), but because it's the first feature film and starring role for the man who practically invented comedy, Bill Murray.
The movie takes place at a fictional summer camp, typical of all summer camp movies, like Heavyweights (a superior and much funnier movie overall). There's the usual Indian themes, idyllic lake, various sporting activities, the awkward nerds, the fatbodies, and of course, The Hot Chick. Murray stars as the head councelor, Tripper Harrison. Hijinks ensue.

This movie is Murray's first venture away from Saturday Night Live, and should be remembered as such. That's pretty much all it should be remembered for. The Funniest Man on Earth (title bestowed by me) hasn't yet developed his trademark style, with careless narcissism and clueless bewilderment. Although, there are glimpses. Murray's next well known gig, after 1980's portrayal of Hunter S. Thompson in Where the Buffalo Roam, was the ingenious and oft-quoted Carl Spackler in that immortal motion picture Caddyshack.

The Funniest Man on Earth

Meatballs is full of the usual '70s-'80s shtick, heavy on sex and drug references. Although, it is a bit more inspired than some other comedies of the era. It was directed by Ivan Reitman, who went on to direct Murray in Stripes and the two Ghostbusters movies. He also produced those three movies, and well as other classics like Animal House, Space Jam, Road Trip, and Old School. So Meatballs is at least worth something as an early effort on Murray and Reitman's part.

So check it out. Or don't. I don't really give a shit.

We're Back

My sincerest apologies to our reader for our absence as of late. The emails you didn't write and concern you didn't express failed to move us. I have recently returned from a two week excursion to 'R Kansas, where I dodged a tornado, multiple lightning strikes, a water moccasin, and a golf-ball-hungry turtle. Not to mention the locals.

I did, however, experience multiple Penn State props.

At a gas station in North Little Rock, I walked in wearing a Penn State shirt. The dude says, "You went to Penn State for real?" Upon responding in the affirmative, he says, "Word." Yeah, dude. Word.

While playing golf with my PSU hat and rain jacket on, one of the guys I was playing with said, "Ok, where's your ball at, JoePa." At that point, I had no idea, and had already lost two balls. It was a rough one and a half holes. But Joe got recognized.

While wandering the streets of Nashville, dude says, "You go to Penn State?" I said ineed I had, to which he replies, "That's a good team, man." I mumble something between 'not while I was there' and 'we'll see,' which came out as "Not while I'll see." My ensuing embarrassment at my loss of motor skills caused to act like I was looking across the street so I didn't have to walk near him anymore. Don't catch me off guard like that pal. I get flustered.

In the famous country bar Tootsie's Orchid Lounge, I sat down to a Budweiser and some live country music. Upon spotting my hat, three different people yelled "Penn State!" and shook my hand. I asked the one dude if he had gone there, but he was too boozed up and amused with himself to answer one way or the other.

All that recognition surprised me, especially in Tennessee. I even stayed in Knoxville on the way out, and recieved no shit from anyone. I guess UT fans have really bad memories, noone cares about The Outback Bowl, or they're just not as big into football as I had thought. I'm going to go with the first two. Especially the second.

I really wish I had remembered my camera on this trip, especially so I could post some pictures on here. My favorite was a large billboard that read, "Save Your Children's Lives...Use a Stick On Them." This was brought to you by a church, who are the only one's who can get away with telling you to beat your kids. Another one proclaimed "JESUS LIVES" in letters fifteen feet tall. If this were true, wouldn't we know about it? The Second Coming is bound to be a big deal, and I don't think 'R Kansas could contain it.

Plan on us having a lot more articles on here beginning in the next week. And the first week of June we will have a few spots about our sure-to-be-debaucherous week at Dewey Beach. Stay posted.

Go Speed Racer, Gooooooooooooooooo

We, the Gorgeous, have slacked off in recent weeks. I assure you it is through no fault of our own and that we will rectify it soon. I just got word from Pennypacker that his animal cruelty/indecent exposure/public drunkenness trial is about to wrap up so he'll rejoin us soon (don't judge; after a quart of moonshine and two isolated weeks in North Little Rock horses start to look mighty purdy). My annual methadone treatment is finally over and I'm overcome with a sense of calm and palatable lethargy. Breathe easy cats, though this post is short, we come back full strength next week.

Meanwhile, the Speed Racer flick comes out this weekend. I was never a big fan of the cartoon, even when it enjoyed a renaissance in the late 90's. I dug the DJ Keoki tune, more for the Trixie and Speed sex "scene" than anything else (don't judge here either; I was an amped up, hormone-addled teenager, a new pair of corduroy pants would put me at attention). That said, I am excited for the movie, but not for reasons you might expect. If I was someone that ate 'shrooms, this would be screaming my name, since it'd be like existing in the world of Mario Kart for 90 minutes. But I don't so it doesn't. If, however, 'shrooms are the kind of thing you get down on, let me know how it is.

What the shit am I doing on Rainbow Road??

Secondly, the Wachowski brothers' tripped out computer graphics might be enough to throw kids into a seizure-iffic tizzy. I figure we can count on a couple two, tree to keep us elbow deep in giggles.

Until next time, this is your captain of mental agility saying so long...