We're Back

My sincerest apologies to our reader for our absence as of late. The emails you didn't write and concern you didn't express failed to move us. I have recently returned from a two week excursion to 'R Kansas, where I dodged a tornado, multiple lightning strikes, a water moccasin, and a golf-ball-hungry turtle. Not to mention the locals.

I did, however, experience multiple Penn State props.

At a gas station in North Little Rock, I walked in wearing a Penn State shirt. The dude says, "You went to Penn State for real?" Upon responding in the affirmative, he says, "Word." Yeah, dude. Word.

While playing golf with my PSU hat and rain jacket on, one of the guys I was playing with said, "Ok, where's your ball at, JoePa." At that point, I had no idea, and had already lost two balls. It was a rough one and a half holes. But Joe got recognized.

While wandering the streets of Nashville, dude says, "You go to Penn State?" I said ineed I had, to which he replies, "That's a good team, man." I mumble something between 'not while I was there' and 'we'll see,' which came out as "Not while I'll see." My ensuing embarrassment at my loss of motor skills caused to act like I was looking across the street so I didn't have to walk near him anymore. Don't catch me off guard like that pal. I get flustered.

In the famous country bar Tootsie's Orchid Lounge, I sat down to a Budweiser and some live country music. Upon spotting my hat, three different people yelled "Penn State!" and shook my hand. I asked the one dude if he had gone there, but he was too boozed up and amused with himself to answer one way or the other.

All that recognition surprised me, especially in Tennessee. I even stayed in Knoxville on the way out, and recieved no shit from anyone. I guess UT fans have really bad memories, noone cares about The Outback Bowl, or they're just not as big into football as I had thought. I'm going to go with the first two. Especially the second.

I really wish I had remembered my camera on this trip, especially so I could post some pictures on here. My favorite was a large billboard that read, "Save Your Children's Lives...Use a Stick On Them." This was brought to you by a church, who are the only one's who can get away with telling you to beat your kids. Another one proclaimed "JESUS LIVES" in letters fifteen feet tall. If this were true, wouldn't we know about it? The Second Coming is bound to be a big deal, and I don't think 'R Kansas could contain it.

Plan on us having a lot more articles on here beginning in the next week. And the first week of June we will have a few spots about our sure-to-be-debaucherous week at Dewey Beach. Stay posted.