Where Yous Been At???

It's been a long time, kids! Where yas been? Dere's been so much goin' on. Good and bad, yaknowhaddamean. First of all, da Phil's!! How 'bout it? All dem years since da Phillies did anything. Actually, all dem years since ANY Philly team has done a fuckin' ting. It's about damn time, dat's all I can say! Whaddaya say dere, Vinny?

Vinny: It's about damn time.

Birdman: Fuckin' A, pal. I tell you kids what, after da Phils won, I got fuckin' smashed. Well, I was already fuckin' smashed. Whaddaya say dere, Vinny?

Vinny: Fuckin' smashed.

Birdman: Fuckin' right. Well, after dey officially won, I celebrated by kickin' the shit outta some mick fucks, rolled a car, and lit a bag a shit on fire. Whaddaya say dere, Vin?

Vinny: Wasn't it on your own porch?

Birdman: Shuddafuckup, Vinny! YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!!!

Vinny: I don't know anything.

Birdman: Fuckin' A. So dat's dat, now let's move on. Once again, my beloved Birds fucked up and didn't make it to da Sooper Bowl. You know who I blame? Brian Dawkins. Dat's right. He knew he was gon' be traded, so he let da team down. Him and McNabb. And Westbrook. And Andy Reed. In fact, da whole team's a bunch a fucks. Dey can't win da Sooper Bowl? Fire dem all and fuckin' kill dere families. Dere's better players out dere who'd love ta play for da classy fans of Philly. I'm tellin' ya. Whaddaya say, Vinny?

Vinny: Classy fans.

Birdman: Fuckin' A we're classy. The classiest fans in the wor...

(yells at TV)

Rip dat faggot's face off and shit in his throat! Fuckin' Penguins can lick da diarrhea from my ball sac!

Vinny: Classy fans.

Birdman: Shuddafuckup Vinny. It's almost Stanly Cup Season, and our beloved Flyers are lookin' to bring anudder championship to Philly. I tink Philly is gonna be like dem pricks in Boston, wit more den one team winning championships. Da Flyers are gon beat da piss outta everyone else, you just wait an see.

Vinny: Beat da piss outta everyone.

Birdman: No one asked you, Vinny.

Bartender: Yous guys wan anudder round?

Birdman: Da fuck you tink, Dom? Of COURSE we do. I only had twelve. I need at least 15 before I can go home and show da wife who's boss. So anyways, da Phils kick ass, da Eggles suck as usual, and da Flyers are gonna kill some mudderfuckers in da playoffs. And by da way, da defending World Series Champs just started anudder season, where we go back ta back. Until September, it's a good time to be a Philly Fan.

Vinny: A good time.

Birdman: Shuddafuckup, Vin.