It's Valentine's Day again, and we at Gorgeous are preparing our usual celebration: a bottle of Jack Daniels, an Air Supply cassette, and a bucket to collect our lonely tears. That's our gift to ourselves. A look back at other heart-warming Vag Day gifts:
270 A.D.--From: God, To: Hallmark. Death of St. Valentine.
1779--From: The Good People of Hawaii, To: James Cook. Multiple knives to the face.
1835--From: Douchebag, To: Douchebags. Mormanism.
1849--From: Technology, To: Fox News. First photograph of a U.S. president, James Polk.
1859--From: George Washington Gale Ferris, Jr.'s mom, To: 15-year-old boys. Birth of inventor of the Ferris Wheel, leading to a staggering increase in American hand jobs.
270 A.D.--From: God, To: Hallmark. Death of St. Valentine.
1779--From: The Good People of Hawaii, To: James Cook. Multiple knives to the face.
1835--From: Douchebag, To: Douchebags. Mormanism.
1849--From: Technology, To: Fox News. First photograph of a U.S. president, James Polk.
1859--From: George Washington Gale Ferris, Jr.'s mom, To: 15-year-old boys. Birth of inventor of the Ferris Wheel, leading to a staggering increase in American hand jobs.
Zzzzzzzziiiiiiip!!!
1912--From: U.S., To: Girls Gone Wild. Future daddy haters possible by granting Arizona statehood.
1929--From: Big Al Capone, To: 7 wiseguys. Bullets to the face.
1961--From: Science, To: Nerds. Element 103, Lawrencium, created.
2007--From: Tom Brady, To: Bridgett Moynahan. Sperm donation.
2008--From: Randy Moss, To: Current biotch. A warm back-o'-the-hand. That's for making us lose.
Happy Valentine's Day, losers.
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