Maybe it's karma. I've been meat-free and off the sauce for darn near a month now and I've heard a number of zingers with variations on the same theme; the loss of my manhood. I suppose it was only a matter of time before the joke became an accepted truth.
Cut to yesterday, me in the doctor's office for a routine physical. I should note that I haven't had a physical in quite some time, so I sat through a cornucopia of pokes, prods, shots and the like. Shoot, I might get mistaken for a dope fiend, what with the track marks on both arms. All told I parted with seven vials of vampire fuel, had a TB test, a tetanus shot, and MMR and polio boosters.
Or so I thought. Turns out the medical abbreviation for the polio booster is IPV. An abbreviation the nurse read as HPV. As in Human Papillomavirus. As in an affliction that causes cervical cancer. As in requiring a cervix. The vaccine is administered to WOMEN between the ages of 9 and 26. Breaking news: I fall under NEITHER category. All of this could be gleaned after giving me and/or my chart a once over. Didn't happen, and thus, I'm a third of the way to being immune to a virus to which I'm already 99% immune.
The office informed me of this monumental blunder later in the day. They're checking with Merck to provide me with information that might be useful. I've done some research of my own, and have yet to find out said useful information. Probably because it is a VACCINE FOR WOMEN. Not all is lost however. Since there is still no cap on malpractice suits (a genius policy that has done wonders for the health care system in this country) I figure I can cash in eventually. And what are a couple of freshly-sprouted ovaries when you have a hundred mil?
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