Video Game Predicts Future

The trouble between Russia and Georgia is disturbing, but not as disturbing as a video game predicting it back in 2001.

Tom Clancy’s Ghost Recon, for Xbox and Playstation 2, depicts Georgian revolutionaries struggling against the Georgian government in South Ossetia. The game continues with a full-scale invasion by Russian forces, and the fall of the Georgian government.

“If Ghost Recon's uncanny trend continues, we can expect the South Ossetia conflict to culminate in a dramatic assault on Red Square and the Kremlin by NATO troops -- spearheaded by an elite US special forces team under the control of a pimply fourteen-year-old with a joypad. Considering that the most recent game in the Ghost Recon series climaxes with an oh-so-narrowly-averted terrorist nuclear strike on the US, we hope the predictive power of the game runs out. Soon.”

So we here at Gorgeous thought about what other video games might have predictive powers:

--In 2011, a greasy Italian immigrant will stumble upon another dimension while removing a pubic hair clog from the drain of a 52-year-old Brooklyn woman with diabetes. Go kart racing ensues.

--Due to energy shortages and an increasingly dismal economy, people have taken to underground fighting as a way to make ends meet. In July 2013, these underground fights begin to be loosely organized by a Thai crime syndicate leader, M. Bison. Due local police decide to pursue higher priority crimes, allowing these fights to occur on the street. Also, magic is invented in 2012.

--In the year 2027, a brilliant but deviously mad robotics scientist names Dr. Albert Wily creates a series of androids, each with a different and special gift for destruction. Dr. Wily is bent on overthrowing various world governments, and must be stopped at all cost. A joint US-Japanese coalition, headed by Dr. Thomas Light, develops a counter-terrorism android, capable of adapting it’s arsenal as it defeats his terrorist counterparts.

--Due to the polluting of the environment by discarded medications, hormones, and steroids, the world has seen a development of super-intelligent and abnormally large animals. One such animal, a rare blue hedgehog, travels the world to collect coins.

--The year is 2633 A.D., and an alien army by the name of Red Falcon plans to invade Earth. Our only hope: two ripped dudes with no shirts and really big guns. We send Bill Rizer and Lance Bean to the enemy’s island headquarters to kick some ass. Headbands optional, but preferred.

--The NFL decides 28 teams was enough, and so dissolves the Panthers, Jaguars, Titans, Texans, and Ravens for its 2015 season. The league also reinstates the Houston Oilers. To create more intense games and bigger blitzes, teams can only use four run plays and four pass plays. Touchdown celebrations are cracked down on, with the only legal ones being a) if scored on a run play, the ball carrier may jump into the arms of another player, b) if the ball is caught for a touchdown, the receiver may spike the ball while running, and hold a “number one” finger in the air, and c) if the ball is thrown, the quarterback may raise both arms in the air, and do a turn-around fist slam. Also, Barry Sanders is cloned.