101 Ways Bacon Grease Changed the World

The first 25, in no particular order of importance or significance:


1. Bacon grease assassinated Archduke Franz Ferdinand.
2. Bacon grease developed the cure for the bubonic plague.
3. Bacon grease also accidentally helped spread the bubonic plague to England through its various sexual encounters.
4. Bacon grease is the reason Pilates caught on.
5. Bacon grease developed the first artificial heart.
6. Bacon grease is an aphrodisiac for Mexican Spotted Tree Frogs. And fat people.
7. Bacon grease is the reason you lost your virginity.
8. Bacon grease started London’s Great Fire of 1666 when it dropped its cigar. On itself.
9. Bacon grease is the reason beer has bubbles.
10. Bacon grease talked God into giving women breasts. You’re welcome.
11. Bacon grease was the first to practice the Rhythm Method.
12. Bacon grease told your brother you made out with his girlfriend.
13. Bacon grease invented the sport’s bra.
14. Bacon grease built the first casino in Vegas.
15. Bacon grease founded the Guinness Brewery at St. James Gate, Dublin. And immediately got pissed.
16. Bacon grease invented the iambic pentameter.
17. Bacon grease plotted to murder Julius Cesar.
18. Bacon grease deciphered the Rosetta Stone.
19. Bacon grease inappropriately touched your grandma. But that was back when she was hot.
20. Bacon grease wrote the script for Ernest Goes to Camp.
21. Bacon grease wrote A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man.
22. Bacon grease inspired the character of Hobbes in Calvin and Hobbes.
23. Bacon Grease is what Danny Zuko and the T-Birds’ car was originally called.
24. Bacon grease is the cause of—and the cure for—kidney stones.
25. Bacon grease coined the phrase, “That’s wack.”