Finally, all your college basketball watching has paid off. It's been a long winter. You know what teams are good. You know what teams are bad. You know the hot conferences. You know the conference powerhouses. You're up on key injuries, key hot streaks, key rape trials. You don't only know the starting five; you know the whole bench. You know the assistant coaches. You know their wives and kids. You know where each game will be played, the exact mileage from the arena to each school; not only for the first round games, but for all potential games (you've run the scenarios) throughout every round until the last game. That tells you potential "home team" advantages. You know what teams do better at what times during the year. You know the strength of every schedule. You watch Selection Sunday with a hard on, making phone calls and telling all your friends who to pick. You fill out your bracket with the precision of a diamond cutter. You look at other people's brackets and scoff. Your picks are better. You put money down. No, not just in one pool. There's the office pool, the friends' pool, the bookie pool, the Vegas pool, the online pool. The money flows, but who cares. You know what you're doing. ESPN agrees with you. Sports Illustrated agrees with you. Hell, you should work for THEM. Your brackets are set. The money is on the line. You've done all the research. You know every team. You know every player. You know every game. You know all the odds. You know your picks are perfect...
You knew that girl would win again. You knew she'd make her picks based on how cute the mascots are. And she won again.
Don't worry, Jonny B-ball. Next year, you'll do more research.
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