Why You Suck (2)

This week's edition of Why You Suck is brought to you by the retard in the cubicle four down from you. Let's call him...Bob.

Bob: HELLO!?!!?

Wife: Hi, it's me!

Bob: HI! HOW'S YOUR DAY GOING? MINE'S FINE. I HAVE A LOT OF WORK TO DO. BUT BEFORE I GET TO ANY OF IT, TELL ME EVERYTHING THAT'S HAPPENED TO YOU IN THE TWO HOURS SINCE I'VE SEEN YOU.

Wife: Well, ok...Do you wan't to talk about all the crap that can probably wait until eight hours from now when I see you again?

Bob: OF COURSE. WHY WOULDN'T WE TALK ABOUT THAT?

***Fifty-eight minutes later***

Bob: HOLD ON, DEAR, MY CELLPHONE IS RINGING. I'LL CALL YOU BACK.

Wife: Ok, I love you!

Bob: I LOVE YOU TOO! TALK TO YOU SOON!

Molly (name has been changed): Hi Dad!

Bob: HI! HOW'S YOUR DAY GOING???

Molly: OMG! (Continues to spill guts)

***Thirty-three minutes later***

Bob: OK, HONEY, I HAVE TO GO GET SOME WORK DONE. I'LL TALK TO YOU IN SIX HOURS WHEN I GET HOME.

(Dials number on office phone)

Wife: Hello?

Bob: HI, IT'S ME AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wife: Oh, hi honey.

Bob: SO LISTEN TO HOW MUCH MOLLY IS SCREWING UP.

***Hour passes***

Bob: AND DOESN'T SHE HAVE DANCE LESSONS TODAY? LET'S TALK ABOUT HER COLLEGE OPTIONS. AND HER COMMUNITY SERVICE IS ALMOST DONE WITH...

Repeat at least twice daily. Take cyanide as needed.