Why You Suck

Today, you suck because you wear these:

Seriously. Are you going seal hunting any time soon? Is that long-planned Arctic expedition finally here? Is this the year you finally win the Iditarod?

No. You own these because "all the girls wear them." Fact: they don't. However, those with low self-esteem and the inability to choose their own footwear do.

Ah, yes. Nothing like Arctic boots and a mini skirt. Speaking of low self-esteem, this is the tragi-comedy of Jamie Lynn Spears in action

After doing some research, I found that Ugg is actually a brand name for a line of footwear, including those vomit-inducing fleece boots. After doing absolutely no research, I determined that Ugg has become a household name, like Kleenex and BubbaGump Shrimp. Why this horseshit remains popular requires more research than the NSF is capable of funding.

As if the boots themselves weren't bad enough (and they were soooo five years ago) some girls tuck their pants into them. I guess they do it because the celebrities are doing it (not a good reason), but they just end up looking like trailer-park hookers. Only without the acid-washed denim.

This picture's fantastic. These three cosmo girls are not only stepping together like they're in a Soviet parade, apparently two of them think they're somewhere above the 10th Parallel. The other one realizes they're actually in Southern California, although that girl is wearing a hooded sweatshirt with the hood up. Now, I could continue to bash the chosen styles of these three teenyboppers, but I'd probably end up sounding much gayer than I intended to when I started this piece.

Overall, I give Uggs two snaps and a NO WAY!!!